Letters From Fat Camp

First Smile

paulbib — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 02:43:21 +0000

I got David’s first smile today, which was rad. He’s been following us with his eyes the last couple of days, but today was his first smile that wasn’t caused by gas, and Jess was there for it which was cool. I was so pleased, but then he looked at me and called me a lard a–, which shocked me that not only could he talk, but also that he could say something that was not only hurtful, but also so COMPLETELY unnecesary. I guess that the next item on the agenda is going to be teaching my boy some “fatiquette” (how to talk & act towards fat-a’s).

Frustrating

paulbib — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 18:22:05 +0000

Answering a call bell:

Me: May I help you?

Freakin’ patient: Um, yes, I’d like my lemon pie now, I’m finished with dinner.

Me: Well ma’am, I think you’re going to have to call dietary- we don’t keep any lemon pie on the floor.

Her: Well I ordered it, but they didn’t send it on my tray.

Me: You’re going to have to call them, ma’am. We don’t have any way of contacting them either besides calling. The number is 75643.

Her: I tried that, but nobody answered.

Me: Well keep trying, they are probably kind of busy right now.

Her: Allright, I’ll take my pie as soon as you can get it.

Me: Ma’am, I don’t have your pie, and I can’t get it any other way than you could…just call dietary.

Freakin’ Her: I already tried them and they didn’t answer, and I did order it but they didn’t send it too me.

Me: Keep trying Mrs. ——-, 75643, they’ll eventually answer it. Now I have to go, I have someone on the toilet.

Her: Well I don’t know why they didn’t send it, I ordered it.

Me: Is there anything else I can do for you, ma’am?

Her: Yes one more thing- could you please come in here and punch me in the face?

Me: Gladly

( That last part was an editorial liberty that I took…wishful thinking)

For your virtual-cuddling pleasure…

paulbib — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 17:54:00 +0000

Post-bath cuddle

Where to begin…???

paulbib — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 19:21:34 +0000

That is the question…until last week I have been wrestling with myself about how I have neglected this blog. I was constantly going through where I should start, and as each significant or mentionable blog idea or life circumstance passed, I got more disappointed with myself that I hadn’t updated my blog:

Paul: You.Are.Such.A.Loser Paul- why don’t you stop being a lazy freak and update your blog?!?!?

Paul: WOW-that was a little harsh, don’t you think, PAUL? Way to approach me diplomatically-what an A-hole!!

Paul: I’m sorry, it’s just that you’ve been telling me for two months now that you are going to update your blog. What gives?

Paul: I know, I know. I’m a total loser….

Paul: No, No!! Don’t say that, that’s not true. I’m sorry I said those things about you earlier; I was just angry, I didn’t mean it.

Paul: Really, you don’t think I’m a lazy freak?

Paul: No, not at all! In fact, I think you’re really great, man!

Paul: Wow, what a relief! By the way, I think we should get counseling…this is kind of weird.

Paul: Agreed!

Anyways, now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, onto the news. I finished my first year of school, my job is crappy awesome, yadda yadda yadda… onto the news that really counts.

Last Monday, we went up to Michael and Sharons for a Memorial Day pool party with them and a lot of their friends from their new church, and we had a really good time. I was supposed to work on Tuesday night, 7P-7a, my first night shift, so we left early Tuesday to come back home. About two hours before I was to be there, staffing called me and cancelled me, and when I told Jess, she responded with this doozy- “Maybe you got cancelled because I’m going to go into labor tonight.” And as we both laughed about that, and then I judo-chopped her in her throat for saying something so ludicrous, we went on our way not knowing what a prophetic statement that really was.

So about 6:30 the next morning, I woke up to a yell from Jess, and she came running into the bedroom(she had gone out to the couch to try and get more comfortable), telling me she thought her water had broken. Now, me being a little bit skeptical, and knowing her history as a pregnant woman of her sneezing and “breaking the seal” so to speak, I asked her if maybe she hadn’t pulled a three year old and wet the bed on accident- I know, what a jerk. She assured me no, and stood in the shower where I could plainly see her water had indeed broken. After I picked myself up off the floor from passing out, we got ready, headed out to the hospital, and the rest of the story is laying on a pillow in a swaddling blanket next to me on the couch as I type this.

As I write this...

So the little guy was born four weeks early at 5:02pm on May 27th, 6lbs 140z, 18″ long, David Jedidiah Bernstein. He is so awesome, so grand, so sweet and innocent, I can barely stand it! I can sit and stare at him for hours, and still not get enough. The last eight months have been like an eight month long Christmas Eve, staring at this present that you know is going to be awesome, but you have no idea how it is going to look, how it’s going to function, how it will change your life. And then all of the sudden it’s Christmas day, and we got our present, and he is beautiful and perfect. To actually see his face, after wondering for so long what he was going to look like, to see how much he looks like me, it’s like the most epic moment of my life.

Jess did so great with her delivery, she really amazed us all. She just did it- that’s all I can say. No drama, no cursing me, no head spinning on her neck, no calling on the power of Grayskull to come and beat my fertile butt (although all that would have been fine), she just did it. It was awesome, and we were all so proud of her, especially me. So far, she has humbled me with her mothering skills… in areas where I feel unsure, she gives me pointers like she’s been doing this forever. I know there are things that we are both going to screw up, things we have yet to learn, but she seems so comfortable with her role it’s been really neat to see.

So anyway, that first night he had an elevated white blood cell count, which indicates an infection, so they started him on prophylactic IV antibiotics. He was early enough that he hadn’t been able to work on sucking on his thumb in the womb, so the muscles of his mouth were not strong, and he lacked the coordination to suck, swallow, and breathe all at the same time. We were feeding him the first night, and his eyes rolled back in his head, his arms went limp, and he turned blue on me in my arms. Very scary to be sure; we called for the nurses, and they woke him up- this happened a few more times, which is why he went to the NICU.

In the NICU

Wednesday through Sunday was quite a stressful time for us- driving back and forth between the NICU and home a couple of times a day, and coming home without a baby after you just delivered it was very hard on Jess. But all is well and we finally got him back on Sunday, and he’s been chilling with us ever since. Sharon has been here and been an amazing help for Jess and myself (although she is chained to the wall, so it’s not like she could leave anyways).

It’s been quite a ride this last week, but so worth it. Here are a couple more pics, and we’ll update our picture gallery soon, once I wade through the 1,000+ pictures we’ve taken already. And there you have it, for those that wanted to know…

Sunday’s Comin

paulbib — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 03:57:33 +0000

I know many of you who might be reading this blog have already seen this, and that’s ok. I just love it, and I think it’s worth sharing.

The man speaking is a pastor of a large African-American church from Southern California, S.M. Lockridge. Hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

more about “Sunday’s Comin“, posted with vodpod

FAIL!!!

paulbib — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 00:12:44 +0000

I just saw this blog, and it’s pretty hilarious. Here are some samples of what you can find there:

Packaging Fail

Jihad Fail

Anyways, there’s lots more funny stuff here, so go take a looksee, lookseers.

Sorry to 53% of you out there… but I am right, you know.

paulbib — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 00:31:01 +0000

I normally try to stay away from politics on my blog, but I saw this and had to stand up and cheer. It’s such a well phrased, clear and concise way of saying exactly what it means to be free and live our lives without the government’s interventions and intrusions; I just had to share it. Preach it Milton, preach it.

Why Do I Blog?

paulbib — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 15:39:32 +0000

1) I own a computer

2) I am connected to the inter-webs

3) I have an overblown sense of self-importance that leads me to (see below)…

4) Think that people care about what I have to say.

5) I can now call myself a “Blogger”, and say things like “Hey, have you checked out my blog lately?”, or “Ooh, I’ve just been inspired to write a blog post about that”, which makes me sound cool (to myself).

Grateful

paulbib — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 19:36:47 +0000

I’m feeling grateful right now- I don’t have much else to say. I’ve got three tests next week, and two presentations that are making me a giant stress ball, plus I’m sick to boot. But it’s a beautiful spring day out, there’s a nice breeze blowing the windchimes, the kid is kicking, Michael and Sharon are on their way down to hang, and Roby is on the radio- so I know I’m blessed and I am grateful for it.

Recent Things

paulbib — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 00:47:16 +0000

Just a few updates on my life, as if you care. This semester we have learned how to do IV’s, which was pretty cool. Although I haven’t had a chance to ply my new trade at the hospital, I was able to practice with Ian and Gabe. Here are some pics…

Ian starting on me

Me poking Gabe- Success on the first try baby!

"Hey Paul, you just got an IV started on your first try- what are you going to do now?" "I'm going to the taqueria!!"

This was Gabe's emotional support while Ian was practicing on him. This photo was taken right before we started practicing on the dog. (That was a joke)

Ian practicing on Gabe

Ian: “Wow Gabe, you’ve got some GREAT veins!”

Gabe: ”Wow, so do you, Ian! Great, great veins!”

Paul:“Uhhhhhh, wow, uhhh, this is awkward- um, should I leave?”

Moving on, I also got a job as a nurse’s aide at St. Luke’s Baptist hospital, on the rehab floor where most of the patients are post stroke. That will be some good experience, as well as helping out with the bills before the baby gets here. Other than that, pretty much everything else is the same. See y’all later, and say “Hi” to your mother’s for me.